The dong motel welcoming you to SoCo

This is Geek Bowl wrap-up week. Every day this week, I’ll post something from our recent trip to Austin for Geek Bowl VII.

February 9, 2013, 3:28 pm, Austin, TX. I Tweet this:

“Walking down South Congress carrying a WC Fields record with Big League Chew in my back pocket. This town just turns you into a hipster.”

For the second year in a row, I’m loaded up on candy I never eat, carrying around records for a record player I don’t fully have, and am reminiscing about breakfast tacos I just finished eating a few hours ago. Instant food nostalgia – you’re either Homer Simpson or an insufferable hipster. [notices vinyl record of a comedian famous in the 1930s in one hand, bag containing chocolate covered bacon in the other, novelty pack of kids’ gum in back pocket] I must be an insufferable hipster. [notices still slightly hungover] Yep. Total hipster.

Of all the hipster neighborhoods in the country, South Congress Avenue in Austin is perhaps the hipsteriest. Between the bugfuck crazy candy shop with every type of candy you’ve ever had, or wished you had, the honest-to-God hat store with everything from douchey upscale baseball hats to fedoras to fucking leather flying helmets, and the store Stag: Provisions for Men that sells high quality men’s fashion at absurdly high prices is pretty much every note in the hipster symphony.

Kyle Kinane would approve of our visit to what was either a dog-friendly lesbian bar, or a lesbian-friendly dog bar for a pint of IPA while they projected Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey onto their blank wall for some reason.

Mitch Hedberg would approve of the hard-to-find record store we visited a bit later. Nothing was alphabetized.

And pretty much everyone in the universe approved of our ad hoc team uniform for Geek Bowl. It seems like every other block on South Congress is some sort of artisan market. At one of the kiosks in one of these various markets was a woman who sold buttons that you could pin on your jacket (or backpack, if you’re still in high school – either actually, or just in spirit). Many were pop culture themed.

One of her boards said ADULTS ONLY, so being the pervy little bastards we are, Jamie, Jason and I excitedly flipped it over only to find disappointment and words. No nudity. Boo.

Since this was Geek Bowl, we figured everyone on the team should have a pop culture power animal. We pored over the buttons (I think to the annoyance of the woman running the booth), and arrived at the following list:

Kristin – Willie Nelson
Jamie – Firefly (the title ship of the too-soon cancelled Joss Whedon show)
Keith – Barney Gumble in a bikini doing the “I Dream of Jeannie” dance (think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts)
Corrie – Peanut Butter Jelly Time
Jason – Gonzo from The Muppets
Jon – Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz
Stephen – Lemmy from Motorhead (Who’d win in a wrestling match: Lemmy or God?)
Marisa – Davy Jones (the sexiest man in history)

We wear these buttons for the rest of the day and no one gives a shit. I’ve got a picture of the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz on my shirt apropos of absolutely nothing else, no one gives a shit. In fact, we are the least weird-looking people walking around.

No one has some dumb affectation of a head accessory. No one’s wearing a mustache ironically or otherwise. We’re just wearing buttons that are seemingly non-sequitirs.

I could walk around this street for hours.

2 comments on “SoCo

  1. Gutter says:

    Trick question. Lemmy is God.

  2. Natalie says:

    Not Alphabetized?!?! That’s Absurd! Absolute Chaos!

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