Sports

Top 5 Athlete Types I Would Be If I Had a Genie

Welcome to Top 5 Fun Friday, a regularly-occurring blog feature where I give you a list of extremely specific pointless shit from my life no one asked for. Why? Because the internet is STILL incredibly un-fun in 2021 and I enjoy blogging. It’s Friday and these will be fun! This week’s list… Top 5 Athlete…

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My Top 5 Old Guy Sports Hot Takes

Welcome to Top 5 Fun Friday, a regularly-occurring blog feature where I give you a list of extremely specific pointless shit from my life no one asked for. Why? Because the internet is incredibly un-fun in 2020 and I miss blogging. It’s Friday and these will be fun! This week’s list… My Top 5 Old…

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Super

It’s hard to classify winning the Super Bowl as an underrated experience with a straight face. It’s only the largest secular holiday in America, one of the last universally shared annual experiences we have as a culture, and is largely regarded as the pinnacle of sports achievement. I grant all this. Yet, from a fan’s…

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Trolling the Troll

The two-week layoff between the conference championship games and the Super Bowl is a cosmic wasteland of NFL news, which leaves the drones and shills who cover the NFL precious little to discuss. As a general practice, I avoid most sportswriting during this time because your reading choices are pretty much limited to gauzy “hey,…

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Deflategate

A couple of years ago, my friend Jason and I got good and drunk and saw the movie Escape Plan. If you don’t remember it – and why would you? – the movie features Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger trying to break out of a prison built to be inescapable. Spoiler alert: It’s not, however,…

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Raiders

As I was doing my usual slack assing at work this morning, I read the AV Club’s weekly football column, and while writing about the Raiders, columnist John Teti offered these thoughts: “There’s a good chance that Oakland will go 0-16, which is sad. It’s at this point in the season that, from an impartial…

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Bandwagon

The United States plays Belgium today, and I am rooting for the United States. Apparently I am not alone as, according to this (I’m certain) impeccably researched Yahoo news article, the rest of the world is hopping on the US soccer bandwagon as well. This article charmed the pants right off me because it largely…

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Unwritten

Yesterday the Rockies played the Braves and beat them 10-3. This is great on its own because Go Rockies and fuck the Braves. In the bottom of the 8th, Corey Dickerson fouled off a pitch and accidentally struck catcher Gerald Laird on the side of his head on the follow through of his swing. On…

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Inflatable

The Insane Inflatable 5k was Saturday, and I’m happy to report I led my Rad Racing team to victory… whatever “victory” is when you run in a 5k that isn’t timed among a throng of other “adults” on a course filled with a bunch of modified bounce houses. So yeah, it was a fun time….

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Flashback

It’s Monday as I write this. I’m at work, I’m getting nothing done, my email program has decided it no longer wants to cooperate, and I’m good and hungover. I’m a sentient Garfield cartoon. The good thing about a shit day like today – which has been one of those days where I felt fine…

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