Warning: Massive plugging and naked shilling ahead. Brace yourselves for an avalanche of pluggery and encouragement to attend a rare live event appearance from Eks Axis.
Hey kids, ever wanted to see Jon Eks in person? Maybe you’ve done that a bunch already. Maybe you saw me this weekend at that 1 year-old’s birthday party on Saturday. Maybe you’ve seen me a shitload in your lives, but it hasn’t been since I stopped being fat. Maybe you’d just like to see me act all awkward about the idea of you actually coming to something I’m doing because I’m insecure as fuck. And maybe you don’t fall into any of the above categories, so for the 9 of you that applies to, come check out Open Screen Night tomorrow (Tuesday) at the Historic Oriental Theater.
That’s right, Jon Eks is a guest judge at the February Open Screen Night, and you should come check it out and enjoy the work of some outstanding local filmmakers!
Since I’m a professional PR asshole (and I can’t turn it off), here’s how Open Screen Night describes itself:
“Open Screen Night at The Historic Oriental Theater began in July 2011 and is now the longest running monthly film event in the theater’s history. Hosted the last Tuesday of every month, the event draws on several events from around the country for inspiration, but basically we make short videos and we get together to show them off. The result is a unique variety show that serves as a window into the rich pallet of talent we have in this great city.”
Or to sum it up, as they do, “Think Open Mic Night meets Gong Show meets Sundance.”
That’s like getting peanut butter in my chocolate in my cocaine. You literally cannot lose with that proposition.
And what separates this event from every other event on the planet is the magic in the air, the feeling of 10,000 best friends around you, the camaraderie, the family, the love felt everywhere throughout the venue… you’ll meet people, make future best friends, you’ll probably get laid, and you’ll realize that the family coming together is what this is really all about.
Wait… sorry, probably not any of that. I was channeling an ad for the Gathering of the Juggalos.
So, what can you expect for real? Well there’s two other comedians who are funny as shit serving as judges with me. Mara Wiles will melt your face with comedy. And she survived a kidney transplant, so how’s that fucking grab you, Denver? You wanna tell us you’re not coming to the show? Mara’s kidney will downsize your face with its fist. And then there’s Heather Snow. Heather’s tall as shit, made all the taller when doing Standup in Stilettos. I look forward to being overmatched height-wise and joke-wise by both these ladies. Although, I have no verification of Mara Wiles’s height. So, hopefully that’s 1-for-4 for Jon Eks in the Height/Humor matchup statistics.
And then there’s your hosts for the evening. The fucking Fine Gentleman’s Club. If for whatever reason you’ve got an tin beehive for rent in your chest cavity and a grinning soulless skeleton where your sense of humor belongs and you find the above reasons to come to Open Screen Night uncompelling (which Microsoft Word doesn’t recognize as a word – a box of knives headed to Seattle shortly), you should come to check out the Fine Gentleman’s Club.
It’s long as Old Man Markley’s balls (and they are loooonnng), but it’s well worth the read: The Westword did a write-up on the Fine Gentleman’s Club, and I don’t think you’ll find a group of dudes having more fun on the comedy scene in Denver. Expect a show. Expect fun. And expect beards. Because beards = fine gentlemen. That’s just science.
That’s like… 900 reasons to come to Open Screen Night on Tuesday, February 25 at the Oriental Theater. That may not be accurate, I’m not good at math, I do PR and attend live showings of local filmmakers for a living apparently. But regardless, it’ll be a fun night filled with comedy and awesome cinema.
See you there. And if not, may you enjoy a nasty bout of gonorrhea from an overpriced hooker that wasn’t worth it.