Welcome to the Sriracha List. In my perpetual quest to cure the world of bitchmouth, I present to you a list of foods made better by the addition of Sriracha, aka “the best thing in the entire world.” I’m not the only one who thinks so, either. This article from Business Week talks about how Sriracha is (deservedly) growing by leaps and bounds and will (rightfully) take over the spicy food world. The last part of that sentence is my speculation. Following is a list of foods, updated whenever necessary, that I have enhanced with Sriracha. Take this list as amusement if you wish, or direction if you rule and want your food to taste like exclamation points. Feel free to add your own foods in the comments section. Here we go:

Macaroni and cheese (Kraft, Annie’s, or Noodles & Co.)

Tombstone Pizza

Hot dogs

Green chili and cheese fried wontons (we make these homemade, and yes they’re skull-splittlingly good)

Regular wontons

Barbecue sauce

Buffalo wings

Ketchup (add it to your ketchup, dip some fries in it, and feel your mouth go apeshit in appreciation)

White rice

Brown rice

Chicken cordon bleu

Chili (turkey chili around our house, but watch additional sweetness pop when you add it to any chili)

Sushi (rolls, nigiri, or sashimi – all excellent)

Scrambled Eggs

Fuck it, you know what, eggs prepared in any fashion

Every Lean Cuisine I’ve ever eaten where Sriracha has been within reach

Pork chops

Salad dressing

Ranch dressing (this deserves its own entry because holy shit. Seriously… holy shit.)

Spaghetti squash

Spaghetti sauce

Spaghetti noodles

Spaghetti your ass to the store and buy some Sriracha (sorry)

Grilled cheese sandwich

Hummus

Sriracha Popcorn from TheOatmeal.com (The sriracha is actually underplayed, which works to its benefit. It creeps on you, which is why it’s the perfect bar snack. People would order MAD DRINKS from you if you had this on the bar.)

Sriracha brand popcorn from wherever the fuck (It’s got the official Sriracha logo and seems to be made by Huy Fong. It’s hot and will make you very thirsty and heartburny.)

Queso dip

Bean burrito

Beef burrito

Bean and beef quesadilla

Taco meat quesadilla

Shredded chicken quesadilla

Taco salad

Mashed potatoes (I fried some leftover potatoes after the holidays, then dabbed them with Sriracha. Epic.)

Ham and potato soup

Sriracha beef (this was an actual item at an Asian restaurant near our house, and it was delicious, and hot as shit – also, broccoli is 175% more edible when covered in this sauce)

Egg white omelette

Soy sauce (mix Sriracha with soy sauce, dip edamame in mixture, HEAD ASPLODE)

Cheesy German spaetzle (Wunderbar!)

Chicken Parmesan (or parmigiana if you’re a jagoff)

String cheese

Sriracha Lays (I finally had them (5/4/13) and I need these in my life full time. If you voted for another Lays flavor, I don’t think we can be friends anymore. UPDATE: Fuck you, America. 2nd UPDATE: My friends apparently read this blog because I got 6 bags of these for my birthday. Right on! 3rd UPDATE: Kettle Brand has a Sriracha flavor that’s way better than the Lays one ever was. They’re not that hot, but goddamn are they tasty!)

Cheesy jambalaya

Off-brand Sriracha (Have you ever had this shit? It’s atrocious. I had it at Garbanzo once, and wanted to fucking cut off my own tongue for the betrayal. Stick to Huy Fong. Everything else is dogshit.)

Sriracha mayo (I hate mayo, but unshockingly mayo becomes tolerable with God’s fiery nectar)

Asian rice bowl

Carrots and any other stir fried vegetables

Turkey wrap

Cheeseburger

Subway Sriracha Chicken Melt

Sriracha Sizzle wing sauce from Buffalo Wild Wings (1/14/14 – Pretty tasty, not nearly as hot as I expected though. Their Medium Sauce was wicked hot that night, and I had just gotten back from Mexico. My spice sensibility was all out of whack.)

Sriracha candy canes

Miso soup

Cheesy egg and sausage breadbowl (My wife loves Pinterest. I love the shit she cooks from Pinterest.)

Bacon

Salmon filet

Sauteed green beans

Trader Joe’s Pub Cheese (not actually improved by Sriracha, which was SHOCKING)

Pulled pork (I use it as part of the braising liquid with a whole shitload of other shit, and it’s excellent)

Chicken tortilla soup

Italian wedding soup

Zoup! (This is a soup chain, and amazingly enough, their food is not improved by Sriracha. It’s confusing and makes my brain hurt.)

Pulled pork

Mayo (I despise mayo, but it’s made mildly more tolerable with the red heroin)

Taco Bell Sriracha Quesarito (3/7/15: Meh. Not enough heat, too sweet, and holy god is there too much tortilla on this fucking thing. Would not get again.)

Rogue Sriracha Hot Stout Beer (3/28/15: This is ass. It’s got none of Sriracha’s good or interesting notes like garlic or sweetness, and just tastes like shitty burnt stout with a heartburn aftertaste. So disappointing.)